Absolute Blue Invitation 8/06/21 - 8/07/21

Absolute Blue Olympicizes

Once again we found ourselves embroiled in nationalistic fervor over a global athletic competition. You have to agree, it’s absolutely awe inspiring to see a person eat so many hotdogs. But with the Nathan’s contest behind us, we are left with just the Olympics to look forward to. And even though our talents are obviously geared more toward eating competitions, we are still desperate to find a way that we can contribute and use our extensive physical and mental acuity to further dominate and show the obvious superiority of our beloved country and display our national pride. But after watching various events we can’t help but take exception to the commercialization of these games as evidenced in a certain insurance company sponsoring Gecko Roman wrestling. And Hallmark donating large sums for Sympathized Swimming. We also question the validity of women’s wrestling as from what I could see there was no trace of jello or mud. And we have formally lodged a complaint with the Olympic Operating Committee regarding the obviously distasteful Jewdo competition. Seems like with each time these games are hosted it goes from badminton to worse. Doesn’t matter if it’s track or field, this year there has been so much complaining there may as well be a cryathlon. So we have petitioned the governing body to make some much needed changes to the Olympic format, henceforth:

-Caught up in an unexpected religious zeal, Tom competed in the world’s first repentathlon, where he atoned for 31 sins, most of them deadly, in 17.6 seconds.

-Skip was stripped of top honors in Fencing, after he was found to have used a banned titanium alloy in his chain link.

-After much negotiation Bill was given the opportunity to create a new event for these games, which he named after a former girlfriend, the trampoline.

-Tired of horses getting the spotlight, Kevin proposed getting his new puppy involved in the new sport of collieball, along with all the other TaekwonDobermans.

-Don wanted to develop an event that would reflect his love for coffee so he had officials document his consumption of 7 sixteen ounce cups in 27.8 seconds in the very first decaflon.

Join us for good friends, great food, better times and some music at a very special public party Saturday at Amvets in Rockledge, off US1 on Hardee Lane, just north of Arby’s. Yes, that’s a landmark...

Absolute Blue Invitation 7/16/21 - 7/18/21

Absolute Blue Socializes

It was all supposed to be so easy. We started with a simple goal of increasing our online presence. But it’s hard to say where it went terribly wrong, when we created a tic tac Tick Tock or the Youtube that few viewed. Instead of charging forward to expand our digital footprint, we instead sounded a full retweet. It seemed there was only one last application we could try. We met both individually and collectively to determine the exact type of content that would be applicable for our versatile solutions to modern living. Unfortunately, we underestimated the stature of our audience and our postings were deemed so immature and childish that it was suggested they belong on Infantgram. We could physically hear our cyber existence diminish into irrelevance. Therefore, you will in most likelihood never get to experience the following:

-Skip tried to leverage his real time Bombay and Sapphire tasting to become the first ginfluencer.

-Bill created a complex evaluation of the current state of pornography which got him banned from several social media sites, the Space Coast Regional Airport and the Satellite Beach PTA in his effort to create the original role of skinfluencer.

-Don posted repeatedly about the potential legalization of a variety of substances in his attempt to establish himself as a heroinfluencer.

-Kevin used his extensive culinary skills to publish a series of pairings to become a vinfluencer, then later specialized in off dry to sweet rose selections as a zinfluencer.

-Tom’s disastrously misogynistic take on women’s issues resulted in him being banned from the internet entirely, so his plan to be the inaugural estroginfluencer is at least temporarily on hold.

A big weekend is in store for The Worst Band You’’ll Ever Love starting with a Friday night at Malabar Mo’s from 7 to 11…

Then Saturday it’s the Summer Bash at Squid Lips in Melbourne from 6 to 10…

And Sunday we’re back at Sandbar in Cocoa Beach, at the end of 520, from 4 to 8…

Absolute Blue Invitation 7/09/21 - 7/10/21

Absolute Blue Musicizes

Music is the universal language. It can unite us, move us and reach us in ways no other medium can. It can unite us, but more importantly it can also enrich us. Which is why we have put together a number of different ways that we can repurpose, revise and remarket songs that have become part of our collective musical experience. These should need no introduction but with only slight modifications can produce significant revenue streams with the right type of licensing. For example, we took the initiative to secure the rights to a Journey song specifically for funerals called Don’t Stop Bereavin’. And many automotive service centers are already interested in our Zeppelin feature, When The Chevy Breaks. Course we may have gone too far with our Doors offering which pits Lutheran and Episcopalian musical groups against each other, Fight My Choir. But we are sure to score a hit with some of our other selections such as:

-A Marvin Gaye inspired automated motivational messaging service, Textual Healing.

-Another Zeppelin offering geared toward golf course promotion, Fairway To Heaven.

-A feature marketed to Jimmy Dean products brought to you by Stealers Wheel, Stuck On The Griddle With You.

-A Jim Croce take on Corona, Lime In A Bottle.

-A marketing strategy for Supertramp’s GPS app, lest you Take The Wrong Way Home.

-A Steely Dan themed campaign for proctologists, Feeling In The Rears.

Join us this Saturday at Mainstreet Pub in downtown Melbourne from 6 to 10…