Absolute Blue Invitation 10/08/21 - 10/09/21

Absolute Blue Cuisinizes

We are happy to announce that the Absolute Blue Incorporated Marketing Division has signed a highly lucrative contract, most likely based on our exceptional work regarding the naming of Satellite’s latest breakfast restaurant, Quiche On The Beach. After a series of negotiations, bribes and payoffs, we have finally been awarded the campaign to rebrand the Meals On Wheels campaign and have already put some of our plans in motion, such as combining an exercise program with neighborhood delivery, called Eats on Feets. And pairing a motorcycle club with a national wing chain to bring you Hooters on Scooters. Also, classic American fare delivered in our specially designed Hamburghini. And to ensure inclusivity we will provide everything from Smorgasbords in Beat Up Fords to Leftovers in Land Rovers. We even included a spiritual based option specifically for Easter, Dodge Rams with Smoked Hams. In addition, to appeal to specific markets we have developed a multifaceted approach, including:

-Barbeque: Baby Backs in Cadillacs.

-Vegan: Avocados in Silverados.

-Turkish: Late Model Saabs with Shish Kebobs.

-Comfort Food: Casseroles in Honda Souls.

-Italian: Meatballs in U-Hauls.

-Dessert: Hyundais with Sundays.

-Breakfast: Pop Tarts in Golf Carts.

Join us for a Friday night at Malabar Mo’s, at US1 and Malabar Road from 7 to 11…

Then it’s a Saturday from 6 to 10 at Mainstreet Pub in Downtown Melbourne…

Absolute Blue Invitation 9/10/21 - 9/12/21

Absolute Blue Ornithologizes

So it appears that the internet is broken or something, as we have yet to hear anything from the thousands that read these posts regarding our self imposed exile. And since keeping this content from you could be considered criminal, and we don’t want to go against any local or state statutes, we are bringing you the latest insights from The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love. Since we last spoke, the band has been on a Bahamas cruise where they took part in a new exercise regime, Pilates of the Caribbean. But we had to stop going as it just wasn’t working out. This is also where the band became fascinated with the shore birds that frequent the Bahamian beaches, our avian friends that cover a remarkable variety of species. From the exceedingly average C-gull to the birds that instead of using their designated feeders, swoop down on unsuspecting diners at beachside restaurants and are most likely liberals. These are the Improper Left Terns. Their fascinating social hierarchy even includes younger birds that perform the same duties as the older birds but do not directly benefit from the process. These are the Interns. So we asked the band which is the most compelling species:

-Tom likes the bird that looks like a flying dog, the Beagull.

-Bill says he likes them all and donated a large sum to the global organization tasked with the preservation of shore birds, As The World Terns.

-Against all odds, Kevin’s favorite is the Improbagull.

-Don researched a film about a bird that comes back from the future to destroy, then redeem mankind, the hard to say Ternimator.

-Skip will always remember his favorite bird that has the most spectacular plumage, the Unforgetagull.

Join us for our only public performance this weekend, Saturday at Mainstreet in downtown Melbourne from 6 to 10…

Absolute Blue Invitation 9/03/21 - 9/05/21

Day 21 of our self imposed social media ban and so far no one has noticed. We expect very soon to hear outrage from the far corners of the internet, but until such time we present to you some words of wisdom from years gone by:

Absolute Blue Vegetizes

In an effort to drain the last bit of value from our health plan this year, as well as take advantage of a Groupon, we collectively went to the doctor last week and after a cursory exam we were told the only thing that would alleviate our many and varied ailments was more roughage. So Don punched Kevin, Kevin kicked Tom, Tom slapped Skip, Skip whacked Bill and Bill smacked Don, while the doctor watched in disbelief. Turns out we just needed to get more fiber. He gave us two options, either a suppository, which we googled and, well, no. Or to eat more vegetables. This seemed much less invasive, but we didn’t want to settle for the simple joy of Bok Choy or the gender insensitive Chickpea. So we each developed our own unique recipe which represents our own personality and cultural heritage and also conforms to our own culinary program we like to call Make America Grate Again, which is sure to put the itch back in spinach:

-Pucumbers: Laced with croton oil, this potent purgative has been a staple in Kevin’s family for generations. Guaranteed to spew the stew, hurl the swirl and gag the nag.

-Okra Winfrey: Skip’s most inspiring recipe garnered rave reviews for its texture and presentation. Proudly served to all freedom loving Americans with no apologies.

-Sasquash: Based on the zucchini of mythical proportions, this seldom seen and rarely photographed dish is a favorite of Bill’s although he never remembers ever having it. Most probably more urban legend than food.

-Below Parsnips: Tom’s underachieving dish strives for mediocrity then fails miserably. Similar in experience to chewing a used damp sweat sock but without the nutritional value.

-Swiss Charred: Culinary history was made when Don mistakenly burned some of that cheese with the holes in it.

We encourage you to celebrate the Labor Day weekend with us as make a special appearance at Kelly’s Burgers & Beer in Melbourne, on Wickham just south of Sarno, Saturday from 7 to 10…

Then it’s party at Malabar Mo’s Sunday from 4 to 8…