Absolute Blue Invitation 4/23/15 - 4/26/15

Absolute Blue’s Mixologism

We recently cancelled our computer dating service after seeing a Compaq Presario CQ57 hooking up with a Dell Inspiron 3000. We try to be open minded about such things but this goes against all we believe in. As a result we started looking for a new hobby and found what is called mixology, which we thought to be the study of everything from Sunbeam hand helds to large scale Hobart industrial machines and sounded fun. And then we found that it included alcohol and it immediately got more funner. After the introductory course we were able to print out our PhD which certifies us as either officially misogynist mixologists, licensed tow truck drivers or ninjas, depending on the fine print. During the intense 30 minute training session, we found plenty of time to doze off as the gal was rambling on about the responsibilities of this or the legal implications of that. It was then when we realized that it was our destiny to not only serve but create the next generation of cocktails, just because we like saying tails. Like Bartles and/or James before they suddenly disappeared from tv. So we have cleverly put together the following assortment of libations for your sedation:

-Costcopolitan: One of our budget entries and comprised of recycled materials, so that feeling of deja vu is warranted.

-Snappletini: Made from the best stuff on earth. And under it.

-Mazel Tov Cocktail: An explosive combination of kosher and halal ingredients make this a can’t miss no matter what side of Gaza you’re on.

-Kmartini: From our value menu, made from assorted leftovers from under the sink. No lye.

-Harvey Wall Bangor: A favorite in Maine.

-Can’t Happen Manhattan: Defies the laws of physics and good taste.

-Katrina Colada: Formed over the Atlantic in 2004, it’s the elixir that’ll fix her.

-Remember the Alamojito: An unforgettable drink, but completely forgettable recipe.

-Ebonic Gin and Tonic: It’s Gin and Juice, fresh from the hood, yo.

It’s a huge weekend for all concerned as we start things off with a Thursday night at the All Veterans Reunion at Wickham Park Amphitheater from 9 to 11…

Then Friday it’s Matt’s Casbah in downtown Melbourne from 6:30 to 9:30…

Saturday we return to Earl’s in Sebastian from 8:30 to 12:30…

And Sunday it’s finally time for our Veterans Benefit at the VFW 4206 on Diary Road in Melbourne from 4:30 – 6:30. Suggested donation is $3 and goes to the building fund that adds new facilities for handicapped vets. So come on out and make a difference to those men and women, sons and daughters, mothers and fathers who’ve served…

Absolute Blue Invitation 4/17/15 - 4/18/15

Absolute Blue Acquires

It lay before them neglected and forgotten, like some unfinished business from long ago, but one thing’s for sure. It had nowhere else to go.

“It’s scary”, said Tom.

“It smells funny”, reported Kevin.

“Come on you guys”, explained Skip, “We need to do this to keep from becoming old and irrelevant”.

“But I like being old”, replied Bill.

“And I like being irreverent” added Don, when he thought it was his turn to talk.

“Don’t think of it as doing something for ourselves, do it for our family. Do it for our friends”, said Skip.

They all mulled this over, then thought about it a bit when the mulling was over.

“But what if it’s the wrong color?”

“Or the wrong size?”, Don added as a thought came to mind, then disappeared just a quickly.

“But that’s not really-“

“For the pets”, said Kevin, just to see what it would sound like.

Each nodded in their own peculiar way.

“For Lieutenant Dan. For all the dogs”.

They took turns glaring at it, with Kevin taking more than his share and it tried to glare back but it had no eyes. It was a song.

“We could learn it, then if it hurts we could forget it real fast”, suggested Tom.

They nodded again, together this time but individually had no idea what the hell he was talking about.

“Yes”, said Skip quietly. “We’ll do it. For Lieutenant Dan.”

Come hear all Dan’s new favorite songs at our only public performance this Sunday at SBI from 1 to 5…

And make plans now for our benefit next Sunday, 4/26, at the VFW 4206 on Diary Road in Melbourne from 4:30 – 6:30. Suggested donation is $3 and goes to the building fund that adds new facilities for handicapped vets. So come on out and make a difference to those men and women, sons and daughters, mothers and fathers who’ve served…

Absolute Blue Invitation 4/10/15 - 4/11/15

Absolute Blue Liquidates

So another holiday has passed us by, making it a total of 5 mythological figures that have not made good on their promises of candy, presents or affordable health care. But if we are the good Republicans that Billy says we are, we will stop waiting for a government handout and get to work finding someone to sue. In the meantime we turn to the many riches promised to us by the internet, mostly in tens and twenties. And as we wait for Don’s kitten video to go viral, sure to bring us thousands from cat lovers and Don lovers, for Kevin’s cloud sourcing project, which should bring in donations from all types, from altocumulus to jackbenimbus, or for that former Ugandan prince rat bastard to come through, we search in desperation for another revenue stream to keep us in Old Milwaukee Light and Slim Jims. So we are left with no other choice than to place a few of our unwanted or unused items on eBay, like some sad global swap meet. Among our initial offerings:

-Skip’s drawl: Ever wanted to capture that lilting vocal resonance, along with the slow, deliberate North Carolina articulation that people find adorable? Me neither but still it makes a great stocking stuffer for that paroled uncle or reclusive aunt. Buy it now for $25.

-Don’s ‘Hair of the Dog’: Literally, a lock of the trumpet player’s hair, suitable for DNA testing or framing (buyer assumes all responsibilities for parasitic, psoriatic or ebolic implications of purchasing, handling or consuming this product). Eligible for expedited shipping.

-Billy’s Refreshing Candor: Not available in candor-free zones such as parts of Puerto Rico and Washington DC. Place your winning bid before midnight tonight and receive a free gift: Bill’s metronome, still in the box. Will consider trade for Bill O’Reilly collectibles. No returns.

-Kevin’s Punctuality: Actually missing since the late 1980’s and presumed really, really, really late. This hypothetical item comes with certificate of authenticity signed by all other members of the band. Minimum bid $20.

-Tom’s Sense of Humor: Rarely, if ever, used and staggeringly impractical. Bidding starts at $10. Shipping, handling and a kick in the ass included.

Join us Friday night from 7 to 11 at Squid Lips in Melbourne…

Then Saturday night, again from 7 to 11, it’s the Tiki Bar in Sebastian, just south of Main Street on Indian River Drive…