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Absolute Blue Invitation 4/03/15 - 4/04/15

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Absolute Blue Concessions

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After years of setbacks, false starts and bloodshed, we introduce to you the Absolute Blue Food Truck. What started with a simple cigarette lighter and a 7-11 burrito has now expanded to occupy most of the back seat of Billy�s pickup. We have worked with nutritionists, veterinarians and the occasional plumber to create a special menu that is sure to please or at least hospitalize. From recipes handed down from generation to generation, mostly with protective clothing, this is the first time that someone has dared to combine the sometimes volatile components into one cohesive dining experience. Prices vary on the availability of ingredients such as the amount and variety of roadkill. What could be better during an Absolute Blue performance than indulging in a meal prepared in a combination portable kitchen/meth lab. So don�t settle for an awful waffle, a terribole casserole or the Worstcestershire. Come sample our dinner menu, where we take the dullinary out of culinary:

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-Dondue: Or more appropriately, Dondon�t. Heated in an effort to prevent congealing and to destroy most contaminates. Made from lard, with lard, cooked in lard with a lard garnish. Has the nutritional equivalent of potting soil. Proof of insurance required.

-Tom8Oh! Paste: Not so much a condiment as a construction compound, it can be used as spackling. Not to be taken for granted. Or internally, for that matter. Think of it as duct tape for your soul.

-Kevinchiladas: Handmade by Jose or Hose B, it�s sure to stick to your ribs. And many internal organs as well. Baked with arrogance, one way or the other you�ll have a hard time hanging on to this dish. Not for the faint hearted, literally as this substance has the highest known percent of transglutimized fat, which we most probably just invented.

-Billafel: A subterranean Mediterranean delight made with the dumbest of hummus. Mostly nontoxic, it�s easily the safest option on our value menu. Think of it as egg foo yung. Without the egg. Or the foo. And much older.

-Skipperdoodles: The lone confection in our value menu, known for its coma inducing caloric content and is chock full of rootin� tootin� gluten. Sure it�s still waiting for FDA approval, but so are corn dogs.

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Coming soon: A selection of fine wines straight from the radiator�

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Join us for the only public performance this week, Sunday afternoon at Millikens Reef at the Port from 2 to 7�

Absolute Blue Invitation 3/27/15 - 3/28/15

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Absolute Blue Redrums

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All work and no play makes Absolute Blue a dull band.

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Join us for a Friday night at Tracy�s in Suntree, at Wickham and St Andrews, just a mile and a half north of Pineda from 8 to 12�

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Then Saturday it�s Whiskey Beach, formerly Thristy Lizard, formerly Declans, formerly Murphy�s Irish Pub in Satellite Beach, just north of Jackson, from 8 to 12�

Absolute Blue Invitation 3/20/15 - 3/21/15

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Absolute Blue Idiomizes

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It has come to our attention that several times during the course of an Absolute Blue performance certain catch phrases or keywords are muttered, unbeknownst to the audience or many times the mutterer himself. This represents a paradigm shift in the cultural lexicon, similar to what we�ve seen in many sub Germanic languages. As such, the risk is that if not properly documented the subtle vernacular fabric would be lost to future generations. So we have put together a series designed to honor this peculiar set or jargon. Let�s begin with the basics:

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Horndog: Noun, singular. From the Latin Haernicus Dogiticus, literally translated as �Reluctant soldier brandishing questionable weaponry�. Some predate this, replacing pointy sticks with fruits and vegetables, back when cultural differences were settled with lavish food fights. Commonly mistaken for Corndogs, as they are similar in texture and substance, Horndogs are much less appealing. When cornered they tend to generate copious amounts of flatulence and should not be around small children unless supervised. Easily excited, it is perfectly acceptable to taze them, bro. They are also difficult to housebreak, so you may want to use plastic sheets or newspaper, depends. Variations include Horndoggity, Horndogdammit, Horndoggery. See also Kevinanddon, Donandkevin.

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Come and show your newfound appreciation of Horndogerry this Friday from 9 to 1 at Shady Oaks in Pam Bay, at the southwest corner of Malabar and Babcock�

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Then Saturday from 9 to 1 at Sandbar in Cocoa Beach, at the end of 520�

Absolute Blue Invitation 3/12/15 - 3/15/15

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Absolute Blue Shades

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So we�re not sure we totally get it, but with the recent movie phenomenon that, having not bothering to read the book, we can only assume references an interior decorator trying to find the perfect color for a client or perhaps a testament to the writer�s favorite tea. Or a window treatment salesman�s quest for immorality. In any case it has taken the world by storm, shattering records usually reserved for hobbits or wizards or sinking ships. So we have put together a copyrighted and registered list of ideas to further the franchise. Please let us know your favorite and we will compile a comprehensive analysis full of color charts and graphs and standard deviations:

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-50 Shades of Stay: Whispers turn to shouts as a dog trainer woos an executioner.

-50 Shades of Pate: A cook with digestive problems makes her stomach better but her liverwurst.

-50 Shades of Spay: Animal rights activists take their views to unreasonable lengths.

-50 Shades of Sorbet: What starts as a simple palette cleansing ends up deep in rainbow sherbet.

-50 Shades of Decay: To be closer to her dentist, a patient experiences everything from a small cavity to full blown gingivitis.

-50 Shades of Buffet: A woman is torn between Jimmy and Warren.

-50 Shades of Fillet: A simple drive through experience turns into a fish sandwich obsession.

-50 Shades of Jose: A relationship built exclusively on Tequila shots reaches its inevitable conclusion.

-50 Shades of Cray Cray: What started as a simple neurosis becomes full blown insanity. No, not the workout.

-50 Shades of Parkay: She can�t believe it�s not bondage.

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So with that in mind please join us for a Thursday evening at Tracy�s in Suntree, at the corner of Wickham and St Andrews, just south of Suntree Blvd, from 7:30 to 11:30�

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And Friday it�s back to the Tiki Bar in Sebastian, on Indian River just south of Main street, from 7 to 11�

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Then Sunday it�s SBI, rain or shine, from 1 to 5�

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