Absolute Blue Invitation 10/30/15 - 10/31/15

Absolute Blue Filmitizes

Not content with bastardizing a single medium, Absolute Blue is taking on a completely different art form. To continue with our plans for world domination we have created our own film production company, mostly housed in Bill’s garage. This provides us an outlet for some of our extra creative energy and allows us to make use of dozens of costumes, the result of many years of Halloween performances and Tom’s cross dressing. After all, how hard could it be? We’ve even got a casting couch. Well, more like a casting futon. In any case, we have the following projects currently in turnaround:

Midler on the Roof: Bette hosts one of those home improvement shows.

Florence of Arabia: Progressive insurance opens their first Middle Eastern office.

From Here to Maternity: Random Kardashians seek male donors in a vain attempt to maintain relevancy.

Rebel Without A Clause: The ghost of James Dean contemplates converting to Judaism.

Absence of Dallas: A look at the future NFL playoffs without the Cowboys.

The Bridges of Madison County: Reality show starring Jeff, Lloyd and Beau.

Love is a Many Gendered Thing: Again with the Kardashians.

Star Trek: The Wrath of Don: Our trumpet player finally figures out that his favorite show has been cancelled.

The Phantom of the Oprah: Ms. Winfrey buys a haunted theatre.

Tommie Dearest: Wire hangers? No way, bitches.

Thoroughly Modern Billy: He’s got a cell phone and everything.

The Absent Minded Confessor: A confused Matthew McConaughey wanders into a Catholic church. 

How to Bury a Billionaire: Liberals unite to subjugate Trump in the polls.

Dohklahoma: The Simpsons move to Tulsa.

Total Recall: An in depth look at the Volkswagen crisis.

Brothello: A documentary on Lamar Odom.

The Passion of the Crist: A piece by piece examination of Charlie’s platform and policies.

In the meantime, please take the opportunity to catch The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love at Keith’s Oyster Bar at Cocoa Beach Pier Friday from 6 to 10…

Then it’s time for the big Halloween party Saturday at Matt’s in downtown Melbourne from 8 to 11…

Absolute Blue Invitation 10/23/15 - 10/24/15

Absolute Blue Sonnetizes

Twas the night ‘fore All Hallows and all through the bar

The horn dogs weren’t drinking, like the usually are

Then Tom and Skip noticed, their glasses weren’t full

In fact they were empty. They said, “This is Bull!”

We have no Coronas, we have no Tsing Tao

We’re all out of Coors, Stroh’s and old Lowenbrau

We drank all the Millers, the Molson I guess

We even choked down all the Milwaukee’s Best

We hollered for Bill, we said “Please help us now!

We can’t find the beers here, can you show us how?”

He smiled and he told us, “If you stop your bitchin,

I’ll show you the beers”, and then points to the kitchen

Muttering something I might tell you later

I opened the door of the refrigerator

There ‘fore my cold bloodshot eyes did appear

Bottles and bottles and cans full of beer

There were stouts, there were ales

There were brews of all kinds

And cans of Budweiser, without or with lime

I saw some old Keystones, some Genuine Draft

And even some bottles of beers that were craft

Heinekens, Dos Equis, Coors that were new

They even had some of that Red White and Blue

We yelled and cheered Billy, he saved Halloween

As we looked at more beers than we’ve ever seen

We hope that this serves as a strong metaphor

You find what you look for and then so much more…

Find us at Squid Lips in Melbourne this Friday from, 7 to 11…

Then Saturday at Millikens, Portside, from 5 to 10…

Absolute Blue Invitation 10/16/15 - 10/18/15

Absolute Blue Tarheeled

This week we celebrate the glorious birthplace of Skip. Many fail to realize that present day North Carolina was formed during the Carolinian War which was waged for probably around 300 years, fought with wads of paper and beer cans. Which meant that preparing for war required consumption of large quantities of Old Milwaukee Light, prompting this to become one of the funnest wars ever. It began with the communist North invading the predominantly presbyterian South, then ended when no one could remember what started the whole thing and a drunken line was drawn designating the delineation between the two geographically diverse regions. South Carolina may claim South of the Border as its crowning cultural achievement, but it is North Carolina that has given us icons Barney Fife and Barney the Dinosaur. It is where the Wright Brothers created the first pen. North Carolina is also the leading producer of rednecks. Contrary to popular belief, it is not the birthplace of racism, although it did spend its formative years and may have summered there. It is also the birthplace of the toothbrush, course if it was invented anywhere else it would have been called a teethbrush. Their unusual speech patterns are based upon an outdated compensation system where people were paid by the syllable. Among the examples:

Tainted: That which is not Edward.

Retard: If you become sleepy again.

Bayer Aspirin: Treatment for a grizzly headache.

Odd Ear: A hillbilly thought, concept or notion.

Dubawad: Pertaining to a specific type of manufactured home or perhaps the girth of the occupants.

Prom Tom: No, it’s not our bass player dressed for a formal, it’s when we watch Dancing With The Stars.

Come find out more about this state that we inevitably make up this Friday at Tiki Bar in Sebastian, on Indian River Blvd just south of Main Street…

The Saturday it’s Malabar Mo’s from 6 to 10…

And Sunday find us at Sebastian Beach Inn from 1 to 5…