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Absolute Blue Invitation 6/24/16 - 6/25/16
Absolute Blue Threatened
We are both pleased and offended to announce that after years of careful observation and social media monitoring that the US Fish, Game and Band Management Commission has officially placed the entire band on the endangered list. This comes as no surprise to some but is important for many reasons. It allows us to apply for federal grants, ensures enhanced parking and more and better pizza coupons. But more importantly it guarantees that our ancient ways will be preserved for future generations so they can also be enlightened, frightened or most probably appalled. There is even a documentary planned, tentatively titled, ‘Don’t Ever Do This’. Each member was evaluated individually and the specific details noted which we have summarized as follows:
-Skip: Carolinus Bumpkinus: Virtually extinct except in captivity; efforts to release him into the wild have been fruitless as he keeps finding his way back using a complicated trail of cigarette butts and skittles.
-Don: Hornitrumpen Katistrophus: Presumably could rebound, but chances are poor for any cross breeding due to his excessive fart noises and being exceedingly ticklish.
-Kevin: Hornislidus Inanoutus: Eradication could have devastating effect on estuary and oceanic ecosystems, as this particular subspecies has held numerous populations of fish in check for many years.
-Bill: Hittendem Drumsalotus: Primary reason for endangerment is depletion of habitat; the decided lack of Ranch housing for conservative NRA card carriers.
-Tom: Instantaneous Agitatus: Condition of endangerment predicated on lack of resources primarily due to jaeger shortage and the absence of Mc Rib from the value menu.
Join us for our singular engagement this week at Tiki Bar in Sebastian, just south of Main St on Indian River Blvd…
Absolute Blue Invitation 6/17/16 - 6/19/16
Absolute Blue Features
This week Absolute Blue features Steve. He is originally from Missouri, where at a young age he took piano lessons but his true love was guitar. As a youngster he played in many bands, then after losing a bet took up the bass. He took quickly to the instrument, learning the fundamentals of rhythm, scales and arpeggios. He graduated with honors and started his own band which won many local and regional awards. Many bands later he has opened up for major touring acts and remains a strong vocalist. Steve offers music lessons on a variety of instruments, has tutored many well-known up and coming musicians and in his spare time he volunteers for Big Brothers, takes an active role in local politics and donates blood regularly.
Unfortunately, Steve plays in another band.
This weekend join The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love for a most unusual Friday and Saturday at Keith’s Oyster Bar at Cocoa Beach Pier from 6 to 10 both days…
Then it’s Sebastian Beach Inn, rain or shine, from 1 to 5 Sunday…
Absolute Blue Invitation 6/10/16 - 6/12/16
Absolute Blue Quiets
My grandma used to say to me, “Never pass up a perfectly good opportunity to shut the hell up”. This week we honor Gramma.
Friday we return to Squid Lips in Melbourne from 7 to 11…
Saturday it’s finally time to party with the dance crazy people at Stemz in Suntree from 8 to 12. Stemz is located at 7720 N Wickham Rd, across from Publix. Don’t miss this first ever event…
And Sunday it’s Malabar Mo’s from 4 to 8…
Absolute Blue Invitation 6/03/16 - 6/05/16
Absolute Blue Games
Absolute Blue’s Applied Design Sector is proud to announce the beta version of the first ever band based video game, sure to rival Donkey Kong for graphics and Pong for concept. Working titles include Call of Nature, Work of Starcraft and President Evil. At long last we can finally put the Ass in Assassin’s Creed. Our game puts the player through a simulation of an Absolute Blue performance and is broken out into sections. First the player is confronted with a number of obstacles. You must make a halfhearted attempt to show up on time, then select a series of obsolete and non-working pieces and assemble them into a dysfunctional sound system during the Setup phase. Then we move to the Performance where you must dodge groupies and jaeger shots in an attempt to keep several patrons entertained. During Tear Down you will be confronted with the ultimate challenge: To find Tom. And finally it’s the hair raising and suspenseful climax as you Wait For The Check To Clear. Multiple versions are available that run on the most popular platforms, including Atari, Commodore and Nintendo 64…
Our only public performance this weekend is Grind and Grape 8 to 12 Friday. G+G is on Bougainvillea just off Ocean Blvd in beautiful downtown Vero Beach…
And we are making preparations for our June 11 party at Stemz in Suntree. It’s only a week away so make sure you don’t miss this one…
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