Absolute Blue Invitation 10/27/17 - 10/28/17

Absolute Blue Haloweenizes

Twas the week ‘fore All Hallows and all down the block

No one heard music, no hip hop, no rock

And Don with his trumpet, and I with my gear

Hoped trick or treaters would soon end up here

Then we quickly arose from our peaceful condition

We knew from the sirens to assume the position

Yo Billy, Yo Skipper, I’m here to say

We’ve had some complaints all down A1A

They’re sick of the noise, said they’ve had enough

So please turn around while I slip on the cuffs

But officer no, please hear what we’re saying

It cannot be us, we’re not even playing

You’re not playing Skynrd, not playing Chicago?

No officer, no, but we might be tomorrow

He laughed and unshackled The Worst Band he’s seen

Then told us to have us the best Halloween…

Join us for a special Halloween party at The Old Fish House in Grant from 7 to 11 this Friday. You never know what these dumbasses are going to dress up as…

Absolute Blue Invitation 10/20/17 - 10/22/17

Absolute Blue Marketizes

It has come to our attention that throughout the life of the band we have seen many social, economic and environmental changes. So what was the case in the late 1990’s is hardly true now. So how do we know where we stand? What is our market reach? Our Market Share? Who are our closest competitors? In an effort to determine our true place in the market we have contracted with the distinguished marketing group Wheekin, Foolem and Offendue. Unfortunately is appears that we never did learn to share, our market reach is beyond our grasp and our closest competitors are an ornate park bench, various bouncy houses and a coupla Chuck E. Cheeses. As a result, it was strongly suggested that we implement a process called ‘Humanization’ in an effort to make us appear more, well, human. So we polled the band to come up with little known facts that make us appear more interesting. Please use these for conversation starters and don’t be afraid to interact with the member of your choice:

-Skip: I’ll have a large with pepperoni and mushrooms. Please arrange the pepperoni to say “Hi, Skip” and draw a dinosaur on the box.

-Don: Due to its cinematography and social context, my favorite film by far is My Little Pony: The Director’s Cut. Plus it’s got fricking ponies.

-Bill: Two liberals walk into a bar, one with a poodle and one with a salami.

-Kevin: Wahoo, or Acanthocybium solandri, is a scombrid fish found worldwide in tropical and subtropical seas. It is best known for its speed and highly regarded by many gourmets. This is the fish I most like to murder.

-Tom: Ok, dammit, my favorite color is blue. No, orange. Wait, green.

Actually, we couldn’t get a hold of Skip so we used his last Dominos order.

Join us for a highly unusual Thursday night at Tequila Azul, in The Avenue in Viera, on Lake Andrew between Longhorn and Chili’s, from 7 to 10. Get your weekend started here…

Then Friday and Saturday it’s Keith’s Oyster Bar at the famous Cocoa Beach Pier 6 to 10 both nights…

Absolute Blue Invitation 10/13/17 - 10/15/17

Absolute Blue Lexisizes

Due to increasing governmental regulations, Homeland Security initiatives and good sense, an annual audit of Absolute Blue Inc communications has been performed by Twice Porterhouse Hooper in association with an unidentified political drink tank. The most alarming of these findings indicates a 77% increase in conservative references. We have been advised that since we have our right hand in, that we take it out. Then put our left hand in and most probably shake it all about. Also included is a list of political corrections, so that hookers now become ‘sexual enthusiasts’, government inaction be called ‘electile dysfunction’ and jaeger filled evenings of childishness be referred to as Fridays. The importance of these changes cannot be underestimated, as noted in Sapir and Whorf’s views on linguistic determinism or as more commonly referred to, linguistic relativity. Among the other findings:

-Fart jokes have decreased 42%, which means we have not fulfilled our quota. We could name a number of environmental, socioeconomic or theological reasons why but it’s much easier to blame Don.

-Run-on sentences have increased 121% but we really don’t know why and can’t even think of an example although if we really thought about it we might come up with maybe one or two but not nearly as much as you would normally think even though we may give this impression through no direct fault of our own but then again who knows.

-Bathroom jokes are up either 6 or 8 percent, depends.

-Propositions were up 39%, most related to ‘sexual enthusiasts’.

-There were 27 confirmed cases of colligation, which makes no sense cause we never went to collige.

-11 cases of ending an epistrophe with an apostrophe.

-One case where onomatopoeia referred to a specific amount of urine.

This weekend find us at Millkens at the Port from 5 to 10 Saturday.

Sunday it’s our long awaited return to Sebastian Beach Inn from 1 to 5…